...but getting an education is like being bankrupt.

Just kidding. I'm not that bad off.

Here's a picture of me and my friend. This was just another one of those days that started out carefree and fun, but ended with the termination of my friendship with the girl in the picture. Why? The boy she had a crush on liked me. I didn't do anything, I assure you. I love this picture - we're laughing and close and adorable - but looking at it is very bittersweet. Girlfriends shouldn't loose each other over petty matters involving boys and everyone has told me that I'm better off not being friends with this girl. I still mourn her, though, and as much as she hates me, I'll always have my door unlocked in case she wants to come back.

I've been busy, and that's because I did something really big in my life. I moved out. No, it wasn't the most opportune time as I had always imagined. However, it was the time and I realize that now more than ever. I've never lived in the city in my life, and it's great. I no longer have to plan meeting up with people hours in advance. Everything important to me - my friends, work, school, favorite bars - are within 10 minutes of my humble abode and it's great. My apartment is no palace, but it's in a great complex with quiet neighbors. Actually, I've known the guys living above me (who shall remain nameless ;) for forever. I'm really happy.

School started today and I'm not thrilled about microbiology. It's the only class I'm taking this semester and I've been dreading it. Looking through a microscope seems really tedious to me and I've never had luck with it in the past. I don't usually see things the way everyone else does. It sucks.

I've had the most bizarre, exciting, hilarious and bittersweet adventures since summer school got out in July. It's insane how life can go from zero to sixty in a matter of hours. People are full of surprises which can be either good or bad. Sometimes you end up with a Jimi Hendrix poster and sometimes you end up losing a friend. I'm still a little upset about that one.

A guy signs in for a laceration on his hand. When the nurse pulls him back, she asks if he did anything for it at home. He says he cleaned it out with hydrogen peroxide, then alcohol. Since alcohol seemed like such a good idea, he also decided to pour some beer in there too. After this torrent of irrigation, he super-glued the lac closed.

The night before, we had a guy come in with first and second degree burns over his face, arms, and chest from a welding accident. Before he left the house, he put vaseline over the burns. For my non-medical readers, this is a disaster because the ointment keeps the heat trapped next to they body, possibly causing worse problems than he started out with. With burns, rule number one is STOP the burning, not marinate in it.

I'm slightly ashamed to admit this, but...

I found out that Medic 9 is having a baby. I reacted by wishing it was a girl so that one day he could hear her cry over a boy as hard as I cried over him.

It seems like everywhere I go, someone is trying to trick me. Clever and flashy ads surround me, lying as much as the law allows to get me interested in their wares. The internet is booby trapped pretty much everywhere nowadays. Television is horrible, too. Programers are trying to reel me in with shocking stories and gratuitous sex. The news sucks, it's governed much the same way. The music industry has me wrapped around their finger by controlling what I listen to on the radio and then jacking up the prices of CDs so that I have no choice but to listen to what they cram down my throat. Politicians are the greatest manipulators of all, their whole purpose is to fool us. And don't even get me started on the horrible abuse drug seekers, and all sorts of other people, impose on the healthcare system.

At the end of the day, I just want to get away from all that. I want to go where I can be surrounded by honest people who love me and have my best interests in mind.

That's why I hate men.

I hate that men have made me hate them. I hate that I can't talk to a guy without wondering what devious scheme he has in mind for me. I used to only have guy friends. I loved them and they would have done anything for me. But I was younger then and in a serious relationship. After the break-up, I had to face the adult world for the first time...and all by myself. I've learned a lot in the past two years and much of it has been shared on-line with you guys. You've had to suffer just as much as me through all of my boy trouble. I just wish that I could spare us both.

During the times when I was most unhappy and most self-hating, I didn't mind the shitty treatment I got. In fact, I expected it. As my dad always said, when you dress like a slut, expect to be treated like a slut. Don't consider this my confession, consider it my proclamation: I was a slut. I thought, if men are allowed to do it, why can't I? Why can't I be the one who has sex with them and then never calls them again? Why can't I be the one that doesn't care?

That line of thinking certainly got me into trouble, remarkably, I pulled through without attracting any diseases, babies (the worst STD of all), or assaults. Most girls aren't so lucky.

I learned my lesson but I had to go through a lot of pain. I know now to respect myself. It's just that I don't trust a single man I come across. The last guy I dated, who led me to believe he was divorced, wasn't divorced at all. As I was driving to my biology final, he called me to tell me that it was too hard to be away from the children and he was getting back with his wife. I've dealt with this deception since the tender age of 13. He was three years older than me and made a bet with his friend that he could get me into bed. He didn't, but it certainly left an impression on me.

My ex boyfriend is amazing. I was lucky to be with a great guy who loved me. Despite a messy break-up, I still consider him my best friend. But I'm starting to think that he's the only one out there like that. I'm sick of this. I want to trust so badly...why are they making it so hard?