It seems like everywhere I go, someone is trying to trick me. Clever and flashy ads surround me, lying as much as the law allows to get me interested in their wares. The internet is booby trapped pretty much everywhere nowadays. Television is horrible, too. Programers are trying to reel me in with shocking stories and gratuitous sex. The news sucks, it's governed much the same way. The music industry has me wrapped around their finger by controlling what I listen to on the radio and then jacking up the prices of CDs so that I have no choice but to listen to what they cram down my throat. Politicians are the greatest manipulators of all, their whole purpose is to fool us. And don't even get me started on the horrible abuse drug seekers, and all sorts of other people, impose on the healthcare system.

At the end of the day, I just want to get away from all that. I want to go where I can be surrounded by honest people who love me and have my best interests in mind.

That's why I hate men.

I hate that men have made me hate them. I hate that I can't talk to a guy without wondering what devious scheme he has in mind for me. I used to only have guy friends. I loved them and they would have done anything for me. But I was younger then and in a serious relationship. After the break-up, I had to face the adult world for the first time...and all by myself. I've learned a lot in the past two years and much of it has been shared on-line with you guys. You've had to suffer just as much as me through all of my boy trouble. I just wish that I could spare us both.

During the times when I was most unhappy and most self-hating, I didn't mind the shitty treatment I got. In fact, I expected it. As my dad always said, when you dress like a slut, expect to be treated like a slut. Don't consider this my confession, consider it my proclamation: I was a slut. I thought, if men are allowed to do it, why can't I? Why can't I be the one who has sex with them and then never calls them again? Why can't I be the one that doesn't care?

That line of thinking certainly got me into trouble, remarkably, I pulled through without attracting any diseases, babies (the worst STD of all), or assaults. Most girls aren't so lucky.

I learned my lesson but I had to go through a lot of pain. I know now to respect myself. It's just that I don't trust a single man I come across. The last guy I dated, who led me to believe he was divorced, wasn't divorced at all. As I was driving to my biology final, he called me to tell me that it was too hard to be away from the children and he was getting back with his wife. I've dealt with this deception since the tender age of 13. He was three years older than me and made a bet with his friend that he could get me into bed. He didn't, but it certainly left an impression on me.

My ex boyfriend is amazing. I was lucky to be with a great guy who loved me. Despite a messy break-up, I still consider him my best friend. But I'm starting to think that he's the only one out there like that. I'm sick of this. I want to trust so badly...why are they making it so hard?